Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
I've been thinking about grief, and to be honest, my sadness and grief is essentially all selfish. It's all "I" based - I miss him, I miss the things he did for me and for us, I miss having someone to talk to and someone tangible to "belong" to... Stuff like that. NONE of it is because I doubt he is in heaven or anything like that.
So it's weird, but the articles, and books, and so on about "what it's like in heaven" that most people use / need for comfort really don't do anything for me. I guess it's because, even when I told the doctor to take Kev off life support, I knew - and not just "knew", but KNEW with a bone - deep certainty - that he was in heaven. I KNOW I will see him again. I KNOW he's far, far happier there than he ever could have been on earth.
My tears are not for him. They never were. They are for me. Yes, some of them are self - pitying. Some of them are just an overflow of pain that has to have an outlet. But they're all for me.
And, in the end, God will take this and turn it into a blessing. He didn't "take Kev" - that was never in the original blueprints. But He can, and will, turn even our greatest sorrows into joy.
"And we know that for those who love Him, God works in all things for the good of those who are called according to His purpose."
- Romans 8:28
So it's weird, but the articles, and books, and so on about "what it's like in heaven" that most people use / need for comfort really don't do anything for me. I guess it's because, even when I told the doctor to take Kev off life support, I knew - and not just "knew", but KNEW with a bone - deep certainty - that he was in heaven. I KNOW I will see him again. I KNOW he's far, far happier there than he ever could have been on earth.
My tears are not for him. They never were. They are for me. Yes, some of them are self - pitying. Some of them are just an overflow of pain that has to have an outlet. But they're all for me.
And, in the end, God will take this and turn it into a blessing. He didn't "take Kev" - that was never in the original blueprints. But He can, and will, turn even our greatest sorrows into joy.
"And we know that for those who love Him, God works in all things for the good of those who are called according to His purpose."
- Romans 8:28
Saturday, November 8, 2014
"I gotta tell Kev..."
Not that I thought I'd suddenly stop thinking "I gotta tell Kev..." but sometimes it sneaks up on me and gut-punches me. Yesterday I was driving by the Ford Dealership in town. Background - their roof was destroyed by the sheer weight of snow over the last winter, so they took the building down and had a temporary trailer brought on-site to work from. Kev and I had been speculating about whether or not they were going to rebuild or just go with the trailer. So I saw as I drove by yesterday that hey, looks like they have a foundation marked out and poured for the new building. And my first thought was "Oh wow, Kev'll be so surprised when I tell him...that....they...."
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"Right. Or, y'know....NOT. :: sigh :: "
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"Right. Or, y'know....NOT. :: sigh :: "
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