Always what we need, not necessarily what we want

God provides. He always does - and it's always what we need, not necessarily what we want. I have to keep reminding myself of this as I wonder about my contract. I was originally hired to the end of this year, and I'm starting to look again for work. Will I find it? Dunno. God provides. He provided this job, and a place for me to stay (well...two places, now. I'm extremely grateful to the kind woman who first invited me into her home, sight unseen, and put up with me for several months. And I am also VERY glad and thankful to my friends who have now invited me into their home to our mutual benefit.)
But, even though He provides what we need, that doesn't guarantee it will be an easy time. Being away from family and home each week, only going home on weekends...that's rough. Knowing that other people have it worse - away from family for over a year, having loved ones serving in the Middle East...that's WORSE, but knowing that others have it worse doesn't make my position any easier for me. I've never quite understood how other people (not everyone, obviously) can say, "Oh, I like to remind myself of other peoples' situations - then mine doesn't seem so bad and I can cheer up!" It doesn't work that way for me. I see other peoples' situations, then mine doesn't seem so bad...yeah, that part works. But then I don't "cheer up", really - I just think, "Geez...I must be some more kinda selfish shallow person to still feel like this is difficult when they have it so much harder." Then I feel worse, not better.

A very dear and wise friend told me, though, to remember that just because someone else has it worse / harder / whatever doesn't mean my feelings are invalid. Just because I'm not happy about my situation when someone else has it worse (and there's always someone with it worse) doesn't mean I'm selfish and shallow and I have to cheer up now. I guess what I'm looking for in that situation is "permission". If someone else has it worse, I almost feel that I'm not allowed to feel sad / depressed / anything-but-happyhappyjoyjoy. Well, the heck with that. I'm not really a happyhappyjoyjoy person, to be honest. Never have been. I'm sure that doesn't make me terribly easy to get along with, and I'm (again) grateful (and a bit puzzled, to be honest) that so many people are willing to try.

But anyway, God never said He'd make everything easy for us. Matthew 19:26 says "...with God, all things are possible", not "all things are easy" or "all things are preferable" or "everything works out the way you want it to." Faith moves mountains, but God doesn't say those mountains shift themselves around with no effort from us. GOD does the hard parts, but he's not some Great Vending Machine Santa Clause Wish Granter In The Sky, where you put in the right prayer coin, or the right ritual, or just wish hard enough and boom, we get Exactly What We Wanted! A new pony! A bike! Whirled Peas! Everyone to get along! Kumbahyah! Whoopee. Nope, not gonna happen. I firmly believe that God set up this job opportunity for me, and He wants me here, but I still had to apply for the job. The offer came out of the blue, and other circumstances surrounding the offer and eventual hiring were enough to tell me that this is where I'm supposed to be, but God never said anything about it being what I wanted, or expected, or that He'd make it easy. No, it's not what I expected, it's not really what I wanted (or especially where I wanted!) but it's where I needed to be, and where He needs me to be right now.
MY benefit from it may be just a financial one, or there may be other "Me reasons" for me to be here. It may be that the primary reason was to set me up to benefit someone else. I really don't have all the answers - but it's enough for me to know that God does. He's always working for our GOOD, even if it's not our PREFERENCE. That's tough to remember sometimes, especially when I reach to the other side of the mattress at 2am and there's nobody there.
But it is enough to get me through the 2am "nobody's there", and keep me going. I hope for something more preferable to come along, but until that time, I'm content (not happy, necessarily, but content) to be here, where he wants me, doing whatever He wants me to do.

Now...I'd PREFER to go have a chocolate-chip muffin. But...it's not good for me, so I'll have some Kashi cereal. Which, incidentally, tastes nothing like a chocolate-chip muffin.