Wednesday, June 24, 2009

IF COMPUTERS WERE WORLDS...

Apple's would be vaguely roundish with a bite taken out, and would be called "iPlanet". Lots of people would say they wanted to live there, because it was so pretty and there was no crime or violence, but very few people would actually do so, hence the lack of crime and violence. The majority of people who say they wanted to live there cite the high prices of real estate, high landing fees, and generally complain that iPlanet is far too expensive for the average person.

LINUX would be shaped essentially like a pear, with slight protuberances on the sides. Laws would change any time a citizen submitted a suggestion. The name would occasionally change, too, and different areas of the planet would disagree as to which name was best.
The planet would be generally self-governing, freewheeling, and have a fairly low population.
It would be free to land here, and in fact free to live here, but each person has to support themselves. In fact, they customize and terraform the land to suit their needs...or sometimes, just their whims. Eventually, they'll probably change it to something else altogether. Maybe paint it chartreuse.
People not living here mutter vague things about how difficult it is to live there, and how they'd be too afraid to do so.

MICROSOFT would be densely populated, have the highest rate of crime of any of the three planets, and would advertise that it was open to everyone. However, to land on the planet, you'd have to buy a docking interface that only Microsoft supplies, and you'd have to present paperwork proving that it wasn't a copy.
First-time visitors to the planet are struck by how green and lovely things are, but residents have long since discovered that at least some of the green is painted on.
The planet routinely suffers from violent earthquakes. The government calls this "planet rebooting" and insist that the planet will not function properly without the quakes.
Immigrating to, and living on, planet Microsoft is easy, and the government is working to make things easier for you all the time. Long-time residents will complain about this constantly, saying how much BETTER Microsoft Planet XP was. Well, after the Government issued a couple updates so that they would stop getting randomly burgled and made ill. So I guess it was really Planet XP, Service Pack 2 that was the better Planet. These in turn will be mocked by the even LONGER term residents, who say that nothing beats Planet 3.0.
Then there's the people in charge of City Planning and Infrastructure, who insist that no, really, Planet NT was superior.
Everyone agrees, however, that Planet 98 and Planet ME were just BIG mistakes, as they eagerly await the next Planetary Makeover.
Nobody is quite sure what to make of Planet Vista, although rumor has it that Planet 7 is coming out soon, and it should fix all the problems that Planet Vista had.

1 comment:

Grief

Grief is a silent, indisious destroyer. Grief is a noisy explosion. Grief is a dark, dank pit with no way out. Grief is huge and overwhel...